boys don't cry...
2:10 a.m. - 11.02.04

this weekend/week/past month has been nothing but strange interactions, and floating in the midst of everything. i don't know what to do with myself, and when i think i have it, i can't hang on. i can't follow through. i can't stick with one thing.

i have too many decisions to make. too many latenights, and potential early morning. i need to go to school. i need to be able to wake up. need need need. maybe these are all wants. is this being selfish? all these wants? or realistic? i wish i could just put it all aside, and get out of here.

saying all this i realize that i haven't been anything but happy lately. maybe a little lost in this mid-mid-(mid?)-life crisis that i am coming up to. i don't want to be crawling up this imaginary hill that i've been told about since i can remember. i just want to be, and do, what i want. please. please make things more clear.

it was refreshing to be told that i haven't changed that much in ten years. that i am still the same person that i was when i was 8, but on a different level. knowing friends for that long is a strange feeling. he's the only one too. it's hard moving 17 times in 18 years, but i suppose you can't do anything but get used to it.

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